Practise and all is coming

It's been a significant amount of time since I have written anything. For this I have only myself to apologise to, as I know it is a symptom of my indifference to life in London right now and to write about it, is to acknowledge it. I'd rather stick my head in the sand.

But Guruji said - Practise and all is coming.

Lately, it seems I have been continuing my practise to keep me sane and as an antidote to the winter blues and all the frustration that has been weighing me down.

Tonight, I feel like I have just had a break through moment though. And, for the first time in a long time I am reminded why I fell in love with yoga.

Despite an extremely lethargic ashtanga session early this morning and dreaming of being reunited with my duvet all day, I suddenly woke up on the way home. My mind became far too active, flitting from one topic to the next without actually turning up anything useful. Not wanting to be pre-occupied with what colour I should paint my nails all evening and what I should eat for lunch tomorrow, I decided to experiment with a few inversions as these are known to be very grounding at the end of the day.

I started with a headstand, still with a little assistance from the wall (only to reassure me I'm upright) which felt great. I have been experiencing real trouble with my balances lately, I suspect because my mind is so unsettled, but I held the posture for a few minutes and was very stable and very aware of my point of balance. And, it didn't really feel like any effort. I was just hanging out there, upside down, like Kevin the Fruit Bat.

I continued with a few handstand preparation exercises, but couldn't quite find the balls to go all the way up. So then did a little door walking which terrified me last time I tried and my shoulders protested too much to be able to stay up there. This evening proved to be more succesful entirely and I was actually able to stay put for a good few breaths. This is progress.

However, the real reason I am excited is that all of a sudden I am able to do a full back bend - which has continued to completely allude me... until now. Usually I get stuck half way up and collapse on my head.

I don't even know how I did it. I know it is the one pose that you're not supposed to think about too hard, but that doesn't usually work. Usually, the compression in my back and pressure on my shoulders and neck taunts me like a playground bully. But tonight I got into position, pushed, breathed or possibly breathed then pushed and I was floating above the floor.

And, I can honestly say it felt absolutely amazing. Far from being painful and heavy, as I had expected, I felt weightless and completely liberated. I was totally lost in the absolute purity of the moment and the joy that comes with it.

This is what Yoga is about. This is why we practise.