You know you’re in India when…

You say a silent prayer whenever you’re in any kind of motorized transport that attempts to overtake anything.

The traffic jams are caused by a cow in the street

You take a walk on the beach & climb over some rocks to sit at the waters edge. You notice a funny smell & realise that you’ve sat down near some dog poo. You realise it isn’t dog poo & promptly run away.

You sit to meditate to the setting sun and… (delete as appropriate)… no-one bats an eyelid / you open your eyes and find all the beaches stray dogs have gathered around you & a random chicken / you can’t actually keep your eyes closed for longer than 5 minutes because the scenery is too pretty to miss.

You’re not the only one on the beach with an OM tattoo.

Everyone is smiling (apart from English people. English people insist on being miserable).

You try to sleep through the Saturday night trance party. The music stops and the dogs start barking. The dogs stop barking & the cockerels start crowing.

You wonder what kind of animal, vegetable or mineral will slip through the cracks in your bamboo hut and pay you a visit in the night.

The Yoga TTC going on in the Shala next door is being conducted by the ‘Inappropriate Yoga Guy’ – long hair, deep tan, tight pants… (If you haven’t seen couples retreat please Google it immediately). ENCOURAGEMENT! (I had to stifle my giggles by claiming I chocked on my Chai)

You’re Indian yoga teacher tells you to ‘Feel Yourself’ when he means become aware of yourself.

There are an unusual amount of S’s on the end of words unnecessarily, which are usually preceded by ‘the’ ie. The Luggage’s, bring the feet’s, please be taking the coconuts (there was just one), take the wash’s and fresh (also known as the bathroom)

Everyone’s Chakras are aligned… man.

You get chatted up by a 25 year old Nepalese waiter.

Lunch is a chopped up Pineapple & a freshly fallen coconut from the road side stall behind your beach hut.