I had a bad case of the wobbles last week. And I don’t mind admitting it.
It’s almost been two months since I came home to Norfolk, so
perhaps it appropriate that I share this latest phase of my journey now.
London and I had a passionate affair, lasting 4.5 years.
When it was good it was amazing, when it was bad it made me want to shout and
scream and slam doors. When we were
friends, we were the best of friends – going everywhere together and doing
everything. When we weren’t, London was a bitch. That’s how it is.
In the end, if felt like I was on a rollercoaster. A really
big rollercoaster with lots of loops and turns and upside down bits, as well as
flashing strobe lights and an epic sound track. In the beginning it’s really,
really fun and you want to keep going faster and faster. Then it gets a little
ugly and you want to get off, turn green and are eventually sick on your
limited edition Converse that you bought in Carnaby Street and had customised
in Camden.
I’ve long since known that I didn’t want to the advertising
thing anymore, purely because it conflicted somehow with who I was – who’d I’d
become. And, it was getting in the way of yoga. It was getting in the way of me
being who I wanted or was meant to be.
So I left, turning my back on what I knew.
Now I am in Norfolk. Home of the NFN, AKA, Normal for Norfolk – you
can Google it. It requires extensive explanation.
Despite its reputation and despite stumbling across the
occasional ‘special case’ I’ve actually met some amazing and awesome and wonderfully
supportive people. I love being close to my family and words cannot describe the
freedom I feel jumping into the car and driving 30 mins to the beach.
And yet, I still have the wobbles.
I believe this is partly down to LDS or London Decompression
Syndrome. I’ve spoken to other people who have had it and they survived. If they can, so can I!
Symptoms include;
- Sleeping a lot, often at random times during the day for hours on end (sea air anyone?)
- Being generally frustrated at driving everywhere
- Being generally frustrated with people who have never left the county
- Being generally frustrated at peoples low expectations of life/themselves
- Being generally frustrated about peoples negative attitudes (yes, you get these in London too, but there’s also a lot of very proactive people)
- Being generally frustrated
- Seeking out places you can get a decent Flat White
- Wondering what exactly people do here apart from work and watch TV (I haven’t figured this one out yet)
- Wondering exactly what you’re doing here
- Wondering what people do for fun… or even if they know how to have fun (yes, this one is cruel and probably unfounded, but I’m just going to say it anyway)
- Feeling like you’ve stepped into a parallel universe
- Feeling like you’re trying to kick a crack habit – London is fuelled by adrenaline, remove that and you’ll feel like you’re on the worst come down you’ve ever had.
- Getting excited by the site of cow/sheep/horses in a field
Added to my own personal woes is not having a dedicated
practice space for yoga.
Hmpf!
So I guess I better slope off back to London then, with my
tail between my legs, right?
Wrong!!
I won’t give up! I just won’t.
Yes, I may be compromising on certain things. Yes, I may be frustrated
by certain things, but that’s the way it’s going to be if I want to live outside
of the M25. And I do!
I think I’m entitled to have the occasional wobble. Starting
again isn’t easy. After all, I basically have absolutely no idea what I’m doing
or where I’m going with this. But that’s ok. I think, maybe I am getting closer. And
perhaps, that I don’t need to know. I just need to trust and find the strength
and the courage to keep going. One step at a time, one day at a time - sow
small seeds and watch big acorns grow as my mother would say.
In the space of 2 months I am now teaching 7 classes a week.
Some of them are a success, some of them are teaching me what works and what
doesn’t and each and every one of my students teaches me something.
Finally I am getting to do what I have wanted to do, for so –
sooooo – long. Sharing yoga and the joy and peace it can bring cannot be
underestimated. It’s the best feeling in
the world.
It’s been a long and winding road that has brought me to
this point and I know it doesn’t stop here.
8 weeks ago it was all deadlines, project plans, packed
tubes, budgets, bottoms lines, problem solving, briefs, strategies, cocktail
bars, creative concepts, HTML, Javascript, and PHP. Now its asana, pranayama, meditation,
philosophy, physiology, anatomy, charity events, country drives with the top
down, rustic pubs and sunset strolls on the beach.
I know which I prefer!
I am running my own business – and this is just the beginning. I have
vision and ambition and being a project manager and working in an advertising
agency just doesn’t have a place in my life anymore.
When I teach, I don’t feel like its work. I do it because I
love it and it feels like comes naturally – flows through me. Rarely do I plan
a lesson but teach intuitively based on the needs and feedback I get from clients.
Right now I am earning less in a week that I did in a day in
London, but what I get from it is worth so much more than money.
I think it’s very difficult to earn a living as a yoga
teacher (especially outside of London) – unless you’re Kino MacGregor (or
similar). You do need something else to back it up , to release the pressure of
needing yoga to keep you in your customised Converse. But this much I knew and
am working on plans B and C.
Living outside of London, where people’s perception of life
and how to live it is curious and interesting, especially (dare I say it in the
UK where we’re not always the most positive bunch) but I don’t want to be one
of those people who can only live in a capital city because they need to be
constantly entertained.
Teaching yoga is both exhausting, humbling and fulfilling.
Yes, there’s a lot of people who still think it’s stretching and those that
just build it into their health and fitness routine because they read in some magazine
it’s good for you – but we all start somewhere. It’s up to me to share and educate folks on what
yoga can be and give them the tools to get there.
As for my wobbles. I’m really rather grateful to them for
giving me the opportunity to check in and renew my determination to never give
up and not turn back!
Creating change is tough. It takes a strong stomach and an
even stronger heart, sometimes you just have to stand your ground and hold your
nerve!
Problems are never really problems, only challenges sent to test us, to help us see things differently, gain new insight, learn our lessons and bring us to new points of clarity and into new ways of being.
I feel like I’ve turned a corner. Burnt a bridge (or two)
and going back now isn’t an option.
I’m still not really sure what I’m doing, where I’m going or
where I’ll end up but that’s ok.
It’s all part of life’s great adventure. In the words of (most) Indian's I have met 'Ma'am, anything is possible isn't it!' I
would always choose the unknown over the known.
For now, I just keep forging
ahead, looking for a new way and keeping my eyes (and my mind) open to opportunity.
The path ahead will become clear, it always does. And if it doesn't, in the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson I'll go where there is no path and leave a (dirty great) trail!!
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